


You Didn't Have to Lie

by potila



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-09
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2017-12-31 23:34:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1037715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potila/pseuds/potila
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You didn't have to lie to us. You didn't have to lie to me."</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Didn't Have to Lie

**Author's Note:**

> I'm referring to Hanji in neutral pronouns because I headcanon them as non binary! Just letting you guys know to avoid any confusions

Hanji was waiting for her outside the door as she finished climbing down the steps that led to the deepest, most secure part of that dungeon. The squad leader lifted their head as they heard Mikasa’s boots hitting the cold stone floor. They let out a smile, knowing the reason that brought the young soldier there. Knowing that it was not a very heart-warming reason.

\- I’ve been told you wanted some time alone with her – Hanji said softly; Mikasa avoided their gaze, pulling up her scarf till it covers up her nose. – You came here a few days ago with Eren didn’t you?

\- Yes, squad leader. – She mumbled, trying to cut the conversation there so she wouldn’t have to answer any more questions. It was known Hanji had always been a peculiarly curious person. Regarding any and all subjects.

\- I guess there are things still to be said huh? – the older one giggled, and Mikasa held back a sigh. Her intentions apparently went through though, and Hanji stepped away from the door, letting her through. – Make yourself at home… Though not much because we can’t really stop research for long. – Mikasa’s stern expression didn’t change, and so they said, turning their back on the next instant and disappearing on the dark corridor – Well have fun there!

The young woman stepped in the well lit room and the sight of Annie Leonhardt trapped inside an enormous crystal made her throat go dry. It had been barely a week since the events of Stohess district, and the last time she had really looked at the blonde was when she told the Female Titan to “fall”. Mikasa closed the door behind her and reluctantly approached Annie’s indestructible prison. It had been hard to convince her superiors to allow her to visit the traitor; she didn’t know if it was because they feared for Annie’s integrity, or for Mikasa’s sanity.

When her hand touched the crystal, a cold shiver ran up her fingers. Annie looked abnormally peaceful behind the translucent stone; it felt strange to see her like that. Mikasa’s voice was stuck under her breath, and seeing her training colleague like that wasn’t making it any easier for her to finally speak up.

But there were many things to be said, indeed.

\- Annie – she let out in a sigh, trying to look anywhere beyond the blonde girl’s face. – Can you hear me, Annie?

Silence followed. Mikasa felt silly; what did she expect anyway?

\- I hope you can. – she continued, sliding her fingers over the crystal’s imperfections. Her chest suddenly felt heavy – You know, I… I always thought you and I were alike. – The words tasted bitter and felt foreign; she had never been much of a speaker, especially when she was talking to someone that couldn’t talk back. – When we fought, back in training times, I felt like we were communicating. I felt like you were talking to me with each punch, each duck, each kick. I felt like each time we fought, I could understand you better.

She planted her whole palm against the crystal, like she could just push through it and reach Annie.

She knew she couldn’t.

\- I thought I could… Understand you. You knew how it felt to lose everything; you knew how it was to be alone. You knew that if you wanted to stay alive in this world, you had to be strong, you had to fight.

One stupid memory made its way into her mind, but she brushed it off. That was not the time for that. Yet.

\- I never trusted you. And I can imagine you never trusted me either. But I thought I understood you. I thought I knew what made you strive to be better, I thought I knew what made you be the way you are. I thought I knew you. Because I had never met someone who was so much like myself.

Her throat started to close again. She tried to dig her nails into the crystal helplessly. Her eyes were slightly wet. But it was not the time for that. Yet.

\- Eren always said you were a bad liar. But are you, Annie? – she closed her other hand into a fist and pressed it lightly against the transparent surface. Her eyes were burning now; the tears were about to start flowing - You never needed to lie to us. To any of us. You just… Kept it all to yourself. You didn’t share anything with anyone so you wouldn’t have to lie.

She choked a bit; one tear fell. “Not yet, Mikasa”, she told herself, “Not yet.”

\- I just want to know… Why. Why did you do all this. – She clenched her fist more, her knuckles turning white. – Why did you kill all those people. Why are you fighting against humanity. – Another tear. - Why did you try to take Eren from me.

She hit the crystal once. It was getting progressively hard to hold back crying.

\- I thought you knew how it felt… To lose… Everything… - she shut her eyes, feeling anger build up in her gut – And yet you tried to take from me all I have left! – Her voice rose noticeably, and she hit the crystal again. – You tried to take Eren! And you… You…

For the first time she allowed herself to look directly at Annie. Her heart sunk in her chest, and finally she let herself cry. With her fist, she hit the unbreakable stone again and again, like she could break it if she hit strong enough.

\- You didn’t even… Have to lie… To us… - she punched at every pause, tears streaming down her pale cheeks. – You didn’t… Have to… Lie… To… Me…

Her shoulder hurt but she wouldn’t stop hitting. The skin on her hand was tearing apart but she wouldn’t stop.

\- If you didn’t have to lie, why did you tell me you lov—

She choked; those words broke inside her throat and wouldn’t come out. Her knuckles were bleeding, but she didn’t even notice. She couldn’t handle it being true. She couldn’t bear the thought that it was true when Annie had done all those things. It didn’t make sense for it to be true, given all that had happened. And yet, when she thought about those words, they felt true. They felt true when Annie said them, and they felt true now, stuck under her breath.

\- Was it really a lie… Annie? – she whispered, leaning her forehead against the cold crystal. – I struggle to believe it wasn’t. And yet I want to believe it was.

She swallowed dry.

\- I thought I could understand you. Now I know I never did.

A deep breath.

\- But I still want to.

She wiped her tears on her sleeve.

\- Please wake up, Annie.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fanfic to go with a [fanart](http://anniegayonhardt.tumblr.com/post/64102641684/you-didnt-have-to-lie-to-us-bonus-bad-fanfic) I did; I haven't written in a long time and my first language isn't English, so I got a lot of room for improovement. I will gladly accept any criticism you guys can offer!  
> Thank you for reading!


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